


Brotherhood gone bonkers 5 - An 'ancient' special

by Aqua111



Category: Sonic the Hedgehog (Archie Comic)
Genre: Gen, Humor, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-07-08 02:25:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15920978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aqua111/pseuds/Aqua111
Summary: It isn't just the members of the current Brotherhood who are out of their minds sometimes. This insanity was heritable.





	Brotherhood gone bonkers 5 - An 'ancient' special

**Author's Note:**

> I got the idea to that special when I noticed that most fics are only about the current Brotherhood members – from Spectre to Knuckles – but the previous Guardians are often left out.
> 
> Besides it can't be that only the current Brotherhood is full of nutters while their ancestors all had been the great, dignified Guardians they are often pictured as. That insanity must be heritable even if the previous Guardians are still less destructive and aren't wearing each others nerves down as much as their descendants.

It was one of the rare occasions Hawking paid Haven a visit. Since Tobor was still a toddler he spent most of his time with his son and his wife or on places outside, guarding the island. Nevertheless he wanted to get in contact with the relatives he barely knew yet once in a while.

The whole Brotherhood had gathered together in the conference room for their regular meeting, only Steppenwolf was still missing but before Hawking could ask what took him so long he heard a door opening somewhere and - very quiet - Steppenwolf's voice.

"And if you meet one of the others don't mind them too much since they won't bother about your appearance either. Just tell them I will come to the meeting in a second."

Steps came closer, the door to the conference room opened and ... a young female stumbled in - a barely dressed young female. Hawking's jaw dropped and he had to force himself to look away. But what surprised him even more when he managed to get his eyes away from her and back onto the table he was sitting at and to the other Brotherhood members, was the other Guardians' reaction to the sudden sight of a nearly naked female in Haven. They only gave her a quick glance and then returned their attention to the interrupted conversations.

The female's reaction was different though. Steppenwolf might have warned her that she could have met some of his relatives but she obviously didn't expect to meet every single one of them at the same time. She froze at the spot and her cheeks blushed furiously.

"S-sorry. I ... I only w-wanted to go to the ... the bathroom", she stuttered with a high-pitched voice.

"It's the next room to the right", Moonwatcher answered with a gentle smile.

"T-thanks."

She dashed out of the room but only a few second later her head appeared in the doorframe again.

"And ... I shall tell you that Steppenwolf will be there in a second."

With that she was gone.

Hawking stared at the table for a little longer before he dared to say something again.

"What ... was that? Why on Mobius are there scantly dressed females in Haven?"

"Oh, that is quite normal", Moonwatcher calmly replied, "Probably another one of my father's one-night-stands."

"One-night... wait, are we still talking about the same Steppenwolf? The first real Guardian, powerful speaker, strong fighter, the one who led the Echidna kind through a lot of crises?"

"Of course. Did you really believe he used his ability to charm a lot of people for political speeches only? Even he needs his fun once in a while." With a little smile Moonwatcher added, "Besides it leads to a pretty sight for all of us sometimes."

"But ... he's so old."

"Most of us are old, boy", now Rembrandt joined the conversation, "but that doesn't mean we're dead from the waist down. Steppenwolf doesn't look older than forty and he has the stamina of a twen. Of course we would care more about it if we had a pervert in Haven but Steppenwolf definitely is none. He makes sure his females aren't underage, is honest to all of them, never does things they don't want him to do - and believe me, we would notice it if he forced them to do something, the walls in Haven have ears - so what else can we ask for."

"But ... he's so old!"

Mathias sighed. "Believe me, boy. If you lived in Haven you would get used to it quite fast."

"My dearest Sonja-Ra, I might only have been in Haven for two days now but living so close with my Guardian family members I learned to know them better very fast", Hawking started writing his mail. He wouldn't be away from home for longer than a few days but he had promised his wife to write her as often as possible. It prevented him from becoming homesick because he already started to miss her and little Tobor and besides she would learn about family members she probably would never meet.

"I don't know too much to say about Steppenwolf. He still hasn't lost his ability to charm people though he now rather uses it for private causes than for speaking before the people of Echidnaopolis and he's also a very good leader for the Brotherhood. The others might say they are led by no one and all of them are equal but if that's really the case then Steppenwolf is still the first among equals."

Hawking leaned back and read the little bit he had written so far. Yes, what else could he have written about the first real Guardian? That he behaved like a horny teenager most of the evenings? No, he wanted Sonja-Ra to keep her image of the honourable Steppenwolf. Besides he was okay during the rest of the day.

"The other Guardians however are a completely different story. Where shall I start? Maybe with the two whose strangeness I learned to know first - Rembrandt and Harlan."

It had been shortly after the meeting. While the others continued doing whatever needed to be done in Haven Steppenwolf and Rembrandt led Hawking around since the youngest Brotherhood member only had seen his room and the conference room so far. They only wanted to show him a bit however because explaining all they knew about Haven might have needed days and they were sure that the whole complex still held mysteries yet to discover although they had been living here for decades - and some of them even for more than a century.

Hawking felt a little bit nervous following Steppenwolf. His elder behaved in the calm, dignified manner most Echidnas would expect him to but Hawking hadn't forgotten the half naked female in the conference room and what the others had said.

"This is the library", Rembrandt said happily. "If you are a bookworm like your father you will love it. If he isn't sleeping or eating Mathias spends nearly all of his spare time in here."

He grabbed some of the candle stumps standing around on the table and threw them into a nearby box.

"Only wished he would put some of his decorations away since he's the only one who needs them. We have electricity but he always insists on candles. Oh, and don't mind white stains here and there. It's only the rest of his chalk drawings."

Hawking raised an eyebrow.

"My father is drawing on furniture?"

"Only in the library and when he's reading his books", Steppenwolf said. "In retrospect it might not be a good idea if you start the same hobby."

The youngest Guardian stared at them in confusion. Mathias always had been a little bit ... different. But drawing things with chalk while reading and dozens of candles? That definitely took the cake - and it was a big wedding cake with a lot of decorations.

"But ... has no one ever told him to stop? Not even for the furniture's sake if you don't believe he will be successful in whatever he's trying to do?"

"It's just chalk - that can be washed off", Rembrandt shrugged. "We are just glad that he hasn't started spitting green slime or talking in other voices yet. Uh ... come on, we better continue our tour."

They had just left the room when Rembrandt suddenly stopped dead and stared at the empty corridor as if he had seen a ghost. Surprisingly Steppenwolf reacted to this by only covering his eyes with his palm and letting out a deep nasally sigh.

"What is wrong?" Hawking asked with concern.

Rembrandt's answer came hastily and in a cracked voice.

"Waitasecond! I can feel it coming! I feel it ... I feel it ... WHOAWHOAWHOA! The flash is coming!"

He suddenly dashed away and soon was out of sight though Hawking could still hear him trampling through the rooms accompanied by a loud "WHOA, WHAT A FLASH!" sometimes.

Puzzled the youngest Brotherhood member stared at the empty corridor.

"What in Edmund's name was that?"

"I wished we knew", Steppenwolf said, "But although we were watching him for several decades now to see if he has a drug problem we were never able to find out. So far it looks as if he can get high from absolutely anything. Yesterday he snorted flour mixed with powdered sugar to get his flash. And once he smoked dried tomatoes and grass - and by grass I don't mean cannabis; I'm actually speaking of the long green stalks growing on meadows." Searchingly he looked up and down the corridor. "Well, if he doesn't want to come back I will continue our tour alone."

He started walking towards the surveillance room and if Hawking didn't want to stay back in the library or stray through still unknown corridors he had to follow him.

"Hello, Harlan, I hope it's not disturbing you if we explain our youngest member a bit about the surveillance systems of Haven", Steppenwolf said when he entered the large room that had its walls covered with screens. Hawking didn't see another Guardian but he presumed he must have been hidden by one of the chairs' high backrests.

"Just go on", the invisible Harlan said. "There's not too much happening on Angel Island anyways at the current moment. Since Menniker's death even the Dark Legion became so quiet it's frightening. The new Grandmaster, Menniker's son, seems to be more of an observer than a warlord. The Dingoes look like they are up to some trouble again but since even young Hawking was able to deal with a troop of them all on his own I doubt it's necessary to keep watching them."

Hawking bit his lip. In his opinion Dingoes who were at constant war with Echidnaopolis and started using more advanced and dangerous weapons during the past few years were more important to have an eye on than an observant young Grandmaster but he knew how an argumentation with the rest of the Brotherhood would have ended. Being the youngest Guardian and still new to Haven his words counted as much as the words of a little child. His father would still have given him a little bit of support but Mathias was ... well, strange. How serious would the others take someone who had started to wear wizard cloaks whenever he entered the library and tried to summon things in there?

"Jordan that stupid boy started another assault on the little Legion Camp", Harlan continued sounding slightly annoyed. "I bet we have to send Rembrandt to get his son's ass out of all the trouble as usual."

"If you can catch him then yes", Steppenwolf said.

"Wait; don't tell me he had another one of these flash attacks."

The chair spinned around and for a moment Hawking would have believed there was another female in Haven - if the Echidna in the chair hadn't had a bit too male features and Harlan's voice had come from that direction. The older Guardian was dressed in a flower patterned summer dress and Hawking had the expression he also wore a little bit of makeup.

The youngest Brotherhood member had opened his mouth in shock but Steppenwolf continued as if nothing unusual had happened, "Yes, he had another flash and telling from the crashing sound we heard a while ago we could need a new door or wall or something similar."

Harlan jumped out of his chair and hurried to the door.

"I'll take care of it immediately. Preventing Haven from further destruction is more important than some megalomaniac Dingoes or Jordan getting taught his lesson by a bunch of Legionnaires."

"Why was he ... dressed like a ... female?" Hawking stammered seconds after his ancestor had left the room.

If Mathias already took the cake then Rembrandt and Harlan definitely owned the whole bakery. Slowly he got the feeling that about all the members of the Guardian family had a screw loose.

"Maybe he thinks it's more comfortable", Steppenwolf said with an amused expression on his face and shrugged. "But it can also be possible he wants us to think he's crazy in the hope to be kicked out of Haven one day. You know, it can get quite strange in here at times and not all of us are too fond of the idea of dealing with it daily."

Hawking slowly nodded. Even though he had been in Haven for just a day he could imagine that quite well.

"It only won't work if he doesn't do anything stranger than clothes", Steppenwolf said. "I think his son is trying the same tactic for years - I'm not speaking of his behaviour as a wannabe drug addict but rather his way to dress up as a decorated oven mitten."

That night Hawking didn't sleep too well. That might have been because he couldn't stop thinking about the insanity in Haven and worry about the future of the Guardians and Angel Island. But it could also be because Moonwatcher had decided to vacuum the chalk dust covered books at 2 am and now a book was stuck at the tube of the vacuum cleaner.

I also mentioned Jordan a bit", Hawking continued his mail. "If it was for him these sweet little moments of peace with the Dark Legion wouldn't exist. Thank goodness aside of his occasional flashes Rembrandt is still tactician enough to talk his son free whenever the Legionnaires get their hands on Jordan, eager to beat some manners into him whenever he thinks he can fight and defeat all of them on his own. Still I doubt their Grandmaster will watch this for too long until he thinks it's finally payback time for the Guardians.

But enough from my worries. I will rather tell you about other things that had already happened in Haven during my short stay. You know that my father always had been a bit strange. He hasn't changed a bit since he's in Haven. Thank goodness he only wears his strange robe in the library when he tries to summon only-Aurora-knows-who. But also during the rest of the time he has his strange moments."

"Even for breakfast you are late", Mathias complained when Steppenwolf entered the kitchen that morning. "Your lady was here earlier than you." He nodded at the young female standing at the other side of the kitchen. Moonwatcher who showed his usual sweet smile poured her a cup of coffee.

"Sorry, couldn't find the little door on my advent calendar", Steppenwolf yawned and got a cup too.

Mathias frowned. "It's the middle of July..."

"Oh ... so that's why I couldn't find it", the first Guardian said with a sigh. "Seriously, why do you think I'm late and still tired as hell? It was an exhausting night. Besides, as far as I see no one has even started eating yet so I haven't missed anything."

Harlan who had decided to dress all in pink and baby blue with a lot of frills this morning wrinkled his nose.

"It's not because we waited for you. It's because Moonwatcher made our breakfast."

"Oh come on, I did my best to make something healthy for you", Moonwatcher said. His smile hadn't changed a bit but at the current moment it looked as if he wanted to make fun of them.

"Broccoli and potatoes for breakfast? What have you smoked that morning?" Harlan asked.

"Probably the same as always", Steppenwolf said and examined the contents of the pots on the stove to hide his wide grin.

"I refuse to eat that", Mathias said stoutly and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"What is so bad about eating broccoli for breakfast?" Hawking asked and put some of it on his plate, just to be polite.

"Nothing", Mathias said, "But it's Thursday. The star constellations say that this Thursday it is a bad idea to eat green food. Only orange food is allowed today."

With mouth lightly opened in confusion Hawking stared at his father and didn't notice that he was still shovelling broccoli onto his plate until he heard Moonwatcher's voice.

"Uhm, it's nice that you are the only one who at least wants to try my broccoli but are you sure you want to eat that amount?"

The young male stared back at the vegetable mountain on his plate, grimaced and threw a part of it onto Jordan's plate - or better over Jordan's head since the older Guardian's face was lying in the plate and he was fast asleep. Whatever punishment the Legionnaires had for him the past night it must have been even more exhausting than what Steppenwolf had done.

Ugh ... bad thought. Hawking quickly shook his head. However, he didn't need too long to find a distraction to get these pictures out of his mind because that moment Rembrandt tried to snort a potato.

"Have you ever seen an Echidna with a potato in his nose?" Hawking wrote with a grin on his face. "It's a pity that I didn't have a camera with me because that's a sight I want to remember for the next years to come. My father however wasn't impressed at all and rather tried to read the future in my broccoli. I doubt cooked vegetables are a good way to foresee anything. The young Guardian that he saw who will turn green probably only had that colour because of the broccoli."

He interrupted his writing when it knocked on the door and Harlan who now wore a short black dress with a white fur collar looked into his room.

"Hey, do you care for a little night tour through the city? So far it's only Moonwatcher and me. Steppenwolf is probably busy again that night, Mathias is too out of this world and Jordan is still afraid he could meet a Legionnaire as soon as he leaves Haven. They really got him this time... I also wanted to ask Rembrandt but after he got his flash from the potato he has disappeared without a trace. Guess we will see him running through the streets of Echidnaopolis anyways a bit later."

"Okay, I will come", Hawking said and quickly finished and sent his mail.

"Have you seen that girl? She had glitter all over. It looked cute", Harlan giggled and pointed at random people in the subway train.

"How much gravity do we have in here?" Hawking asked. He felt as if he was floating. They hadn't even drunken that much but probably Moonwatcher had mixed their cocktails with some of the drugs Steppenwolf had talked about earlier that day. Or had he just made a joke when he had mentioned them?

"Who has a phone?" Moonwatcher asked all out of sudden. "I wanna call dad. I bet my bum he's still wide awake at 3 am."

The phone on the bedside table rang. Feeling still a bit groggy from sleep Steppenwolf needed a while until he finally had found it and figured out it was a call from Harlan's phone.

"What in Aurora's name do you want at that time of night?" he slurred.

"Hello, grandfather, I hope I don't disturb you on someone but Moonwatcher wanted me to call you at any cost", he at first heard Harlan's loud voice then silent voices and giggles in the background and then Harlan spoke again, "By the way, Hawking still says you are old ... and Moonwatcher bets his bum it's 3 am."

When loud laughter started Steppenwolf hung up, rubbed the bridge of his nose and thanked Aurora that he was blessed with so much patience. If his son and grandsons already wanted to get pissed as a newt at least once a week, fine. He only wished they wouldn't think it was fun to call him each time.

"Meh, my call was interrupted", Harlan said and put his phone away again. "Whatever. Where shall we go next?"

"I still have my bum so I bet it again that we will find Rembrandt in the Legion camp", Moonwatcher said. "Let's pick him up from there. Besides the guys in black are always happy when we come."

"And they are even happier when we leave again", Harlan laughed.

"There are also a lot of other villages around", Hawking said. "The night is still young and I wanna visit all of them."

In the morning Hawking woke up inside of a wardrobe. He had no idea why he had slept in there and was just glad it was one of the wardrobes in Haven. They really had found Rembrandt in the Legion camp and so Moonwatcher again could keep his rear end for a bit longer. However they had soon left the camp since Moritori, the young Grandmaster, had looked as if he would be out for blood if one more Guardian ever entered the camp.

Hawking tried to free his hat from a "Third place Dingo beauty contest"-ribbon wondering where he got that from.

In the next room Steppenwolf gave his son a lecture because of his regular drinking escapades during which he always had decided to call home but it was a very quiet lecture since both of them had to deal with headaches - Steppenwolf had been called three more times and barely had found any sleep, Moonwatcher had a hangover. In the kitchen Jordan had a panic attack because Rembrandt had invited the two Legionnaires who had followed them on their tour for breakfast. Harlan had given up on wearing dresses for now - at least as long as he still called the toilet his best friend. And Mathias had fled from the library in terror believing he really had been able to summon a demon although it only was Deo Volente who wanted to pay the Guardians another visit. To Hawking that all sounded like the start of another typical day in Haven.


End file.
